Full of Truth

"What do forests make you feel?  

trees... how absolutely full of truth they are".

I am reading the Unknown Journals of Emily Carr and 

I am transfixed by her words and the pictures she paints on the page. 

She is known as one of Canada's greatest painters.  She is also a published writer.

She kept a journal throughout the years and I am so grateful to her.

Dear friends, I continue to struggle with my painting but yesterday

I quietly put things into perspective when I read this from her journal. 

"I shall never paint anything good.  I am just dead bones and venom, 

and I ache to express what is really good and beautiful and true and real."

Dear Emily Carr, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.

Blue Sky, 1936

by Emily Carr
oil on canvas
93.5 x 65.0 cm

The Art Gallery of Greater Victoria, The Thomas Gardiner Keir Bequest

 

The woods call me often, they beckon my presence almost daily as I work... 

Today I could not silence the call.

I headed out to a trail I had never been before, 

less than a ten minute drive from where I live.

I was alone, for a full hour in my sanctuary, my temple, where the wild things live.

It felt so good to be out breathing the clean air and the sweet smells of Fall.  

I almost wept with joy and sorrow all at once.

I don't know what is it about the Autumn season, 

it stirs the depths of my being.

It is the one season I could not live without.

"I feel things clearer when I am away from humans in the woods.

  God seems there more-why?"

Emily Carr

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world having all of this to myself, 

only the sounds of my feet on the fallen leaves and the birds above.

What is it about these living woods that make me feel like I have come home,

back to myself and away from the inner jargon and the unnecessary...

It is here that I am fully present and clear.

It is here that I believe in the impossible.

It is here that I see the bigger picture.  

Where I acknowledge that my feet are exactly where they are supposed to be.

 Where I accept that I'm growing as fast as I should be,

that I cannot rush the process nor speed up the journey...

It is in the woods where my heart and soul fill up,

where I summon my strength and courage,

and where I silence the doubts and honour the path.

NEW in the SHOP...Bookplates!

Introducing my new ART Bookplates! 

As many of you know, I LOVE BOOKS!  

I love books so much that it is the number one gift I like to buy for the ones I love. 

So, what's better than buying a book for someone?  

Adding a beautiful heartmade bookplate to personalize the book gift even more!    

I have two Collections in the shop right now:

Collection I - The Forest is Her Temple + Raven Girl

Collection II - Her Poppies + In Bloom

I've been wanting to add these to the shop for a while

and I'm so excited to share these with you today!

On another note, here are a few paintings I completed on Friday.

They were painted on wood canvases.  I LOVE painting on wood!

They will be in the shop soon...

And, last but not least, I have tweeked my BLOG and I hope you like the changes!

I have created two blog buttons that you are free to add to your own blog!  

I LOVE making these so much!  I hope you like the messages too!

 

I wish you a very happy week, filled with kind words and kind people.

I can't wait to tell you where I'm heading next week... stay tuned! xo

And FINALLY, thank-you - thank-you for your support. ♥

A Breakthrough

How is your week going so far?  Mine has been action packed, still trying to catch my breath...  As you read in my last, I've been blocked these days, unable to complete a painting or even enjoy the process.  So, after my very special conversation at the car garage (I know...totally weird but amazing), I decided to make some changes...

     I went to Bingo.  I know.  It's lame and totally "Valley Girl"...but I did it because I thought it would be a way to NOT take myself so seriously, to chill out, to just get over myself already.  I had fun.  I didn't win, but I relaxed and used my TEAL dabber...

      I joined a club...an ART club.  I know...  Those who know me well are probably thinking...you did what?  I decided to get out of my shell, out of my head and out of my basement.  I paid my fees last night...and I'm excited about this.  I really am.
      
      I had breakfast with my Memere.  I made time.  It was wonderful.  Before I left she looked me in the eye, put her hands on my shoulders and said; " I know you will paint again soon.  You are a good artist.  It will be OK." (She said this in French, I'm just translating).  She filled my heart right up.

     So, that afternoon, I came home.  I was nervous entering my studio...  I looked through books for ideas...  And then I looked at the clock and finally said.  Enough.  You are totally procrastinating.  Paint like you...not like anyone else.  You don't need any books for that.  Owen will be home in three hours.  Just paint!  So I did.  I painted.  I literally took some deep breaths before I started and I just went for it, allowing whatever needed to happen.  Once I got started, I wasn't anxious anymore.  I was in the ZONE.

Three hours later, this emerged. 

It's called The Forest is Her Temple.

I was so giddy all night long!!!  

FINALLY, a breakthrough!

Yesterday, I painted this one...

This one is called Raven Girl.

THANK-YOU 

for your support and your kind comments!

It means SO much to me.  It truly lifted me up!

I wanted to share a comment left by fellow artist Micki. 

Many of you know her as The Secret Hermit.

I HAD to share this with you!

Here is part of her comment that made EVERYTHING so clear!!!

" What we call blocks are transition times.
Sometimes they are intimidating, but when you come down to it, a block is simply a time of change.
Something drastically different from what has been painted is trying to emerge, and you are pushing it back down, consciously or unconsciously.
You feel blank because there is too much inside and the pressure gives the illusion of emptiness.
This is a time to break the boundaries set by the self image, to find the crack in the wall. "

...this quote from the book 'Life, paint and passion'... left by Micki.

So here's the truth... 
I've been limiting myself...my growth.  I so fiercely want to BRAND my style that I continue to stuff the natural process of growth.  I wanted desperately to continue with my current ETSY style, the one in the shop and continue painting and growing with Beverly-separately.  I thought I could do both...  I have realized that I can't any more.  This is why I BLOCKED out!

I know that I'm still new as an artist... January 2010 was the the beginning for me.  My style will continue to grow and change... it will continue to evolve because that's just the kind of person I am.  I am surrendering the need to BRAND myself any longer...this is self-sabotage and I will do it no more.  Some people are meant to teach grade two for the rest of their lives and they are happy with that... I would die.  I am in constant flux.  So here I am, at another juncture of change in my work.  The fifth in the last twenty-one months.  Where do I go from here?  Forward, inward, allowing the growth to happen and shape my ART into exactly what it's supposed to be.
I hope you do too. xox

My Creative BLOCK!

If you've been wondering where I've been for the last week, I've been dealing, more like struggling with a creative BLOCK.  Yes, it's happened before...but it has never lasted THIS long!  I showed up to my painting table, eager to work with a deadline looming...  I painted for almost three straight days unable to complete a single painting.  I have a show coming up... The Annual Fringe Art Tour.  My paintings are due this Thursday and so far this is what I have to show for...

 

All of them are a bust...crapola...rubbish!!!

I have to admit, I've been taking this hard, unable to shake it off, 

completely absorbed in my own misery.  

A confused walking zombie trying so hard to just get past this BLOCK!

Surprisingly, all of this changed this morning when I met an older man at the mechanic's shop while I was waiting to get my car serviced, I needed an oil change.  

What I wasn't prepared for was an attitude adjustment.

This man, who was a retired police officer was so kind and understanding.  

He was present and we shared.

We had the kind of conversation that makes you hug a complete stranger in a mechanic's shop before you head out to go get your groceries.

He managed to get me out of my funk and back into reality, where I finally managed to stop focusing on the block and not take myself so seriously.  He made me feel connected to my surroundings.  He also reminded me that some of us have an obligation, a social responsibility to share what we know, especially when it can help other people.  We talked about his horses, his daughter, my family's military experience and life as a whole.  Who knew I would find exactly what I was looking for without even knowing what I needed inside this unattractive mechanic's shop where a bunch of dude's with their names on their shirts work? 

I then went grocery shopping and smiled more.  I was more patient and kinder to the people who passed by me with their carts.  I noticed them and I was present.  Grocery shopping wasn't so bad today.  I chose not to paint today.  I actually came home and made two spinach and ricotta cheese quiche.  I made quiche? One for supper tonight and one that I will bring to my Memere tomorrow.

I'm feeling better.  Not as frustrated or as crazy.  I hope the next time I show up to paint it will flow again and  the block will have dissipated.  But until then, I'm going to finish the fudge I started making, the one I'm making for no other reason but to brighten someone else's day because I know how much that means.

  I know it can make all the difference in the world.  

Because today I was reminded that kindness and LOVE comes in all shapes and sizes.

  It can even come with an oil change.

On Being OK and Then Some...

I've been thinking alot lately about the big big picture.  It actually kept me up last night.  It's funny how you think your life will be a certain way and then it turns out to be nothing like you planned but in the end you are still OK., even better than OK.

Ten years ago, I was a new-ish teacher.  I thought I would teach for about six years and then cross over to become a principal.  I even thought I would run for mayor.  I was not a mother yet, but I thought for sure I would have a daughter first and then maybe two boys.  Steve was in the military and I thought we would be posted to Trenton and we would finish off the army years there.  This is what I envisioned.  This is what I thought my life would look like.

Fast forward ten years and WHOOA, was I off!  I'm no longer teaching.  I paint.  I'm never going to be a principal (and if I do, please believe that my body has been taken over by aliens...lol!)  I might run for mayor someday...(but probably not...I'm just way too opinionated to please the masses).  I am a mother to a beautiful 8 year old boy, he is my only one and my heart is FULL.  My husband, well, he no longer wears his uniform to work and I no longer cry myself to sleep lonely and worried that he will not make it home.  Instead I see him every morning and very night and he wears nice shirts with collars and fancy pants and shoes.  His wardrobe is actually WAY better than mine.  We live back home-in Sudbury, Ontario Canada.  Where my heart lies but my mind wanders.

Last night as I laid awake, I thought was I WAY off.  My life is NOTHING like I had envisioned it, hoped it would be.  It's better.  It's not without it's heartbreak, but I'm OK.  I'm better than OK.  So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm open.  I'm open to whatever the Universe wishes me to experience.  I can plan all I want, but in the end, I just need to pay attention and TRUST.  I know she has my back.  I know, no matter what, I'll be OK.

Wishing you a beautiful day. xox  

Presenting my 2012 Calendars!

They are READY!  And, I'm SO excited about these!!!

I have created a NEW and IMPROVED format.

Can you feel my pulse racing???

I'm so happy to finally share these with you!

 

I have chosen 12 favorite prints along with the print on the title page which is called

Inviting Abundance.

  Here are the 12 paintings that made the cut this year... 

They all have their own personalities and stories to accompany you through 2012.

 

They measure 8.5 by 11 and they have rounded corners.

They are grouped together with a silver metal clip to make it easy to flip to the next month.

These prints can also be trimmed when the months pass

and framed or added to your bulletin board for instant color and company!

These makes the loveliest gifts for the ones you love.

They also make lovely gifts for YOU!

They're in the shop NOW.  

Wishing you a HAPPY week!

Painting for FUN again!

Hello hello!

Thank-you all again for the kindness and encouragement.  It`s a wonderful feeling knowing that as I stretch and grow, I am not alone.  This means so much to me and I am eternally grateful.  It has not been easy to share these LARGE paintings. I have felt quite vulnerable to be honest.  I'm sharing more than my new "painting skills" in this body of work.  It actually feels like I am baring my soul and this has left me feeling a little uneasy and anxious...wanting to crawl under a rock again.  I hope these feelings will pass soon.

I spent the day painting in my studio yesterday.  It was so nice to let go and just play again.  After painting my last two large canvases, I felt the need to paint small and just for fun again, without pulling the hair out of my head.

So here they are...the latest girlies!  I will have them up in the shop this weekend.  Stay tuned...

This weekend, I'm looking forward to curling up with another book. 

  I'll be reading The Painter From Shanghai...  

YES, I totally fell for the title...

I couldn't sign out for the week without extending my heart

to all my sisters (and brothers) out there who have been affected by 

September 11th 2001. 

My heart is with you. 

I pray for peace on earth and in all of our hearts. 

xoxo

 

NEW Painting + NEW Routine

This is my absolute favorite time of year.  Fall is already in the air and I could not be more content to see it here and return to a routine again.  Steve is in his third week of Medical School and he is LOVING it!  Owen is on Day 2 of grade three and while he was a little slower getting out of bed this morning he is happy to be back with his buddies and the forecast looks good.  I am rejoicing to have my house back, my days to create guilt-free and without interruption. I sit here sipping my grande non-fat caramel machiatto and I feel like the luckiest woman on earth.

So, without further adieu, I present to you my latest painting. 

She is almost complete...

untitled

This is the second painting in my new collection.  It measures 2 feet wide by 4 feet tall.  There is so much symbolism in this piece.  I felt a little like a detective working from the inside out, uncovering the pieces that needed to be added to tell this part of the story. I am completely immersed in this world and it feels fantastic. 

This painting was an arduous process...  I almost gave up twice... The ugly stages just lingered and ridiculed me as I sat looking at it from different perspectives.  I kept going...

Thanks to sweet Beverly,

I will be showing this body of work next Spring in the Muskokas....

  I am SO STOKED to have this opportunity to share my work there... 

On another note, I will be spending the rest of the week working on stocking my shop with new work and smaller paintings.  I will also be adding bookmarks.  There is also a NEW SALE section in the shop so be sure to check it out when you can.

I have also been reading this book that has been keeping me up late into the night.  TOTALLY worth the read so far...  I only have 50 more pages to go...

That's all for now.  Be well dear friends... xox

My True North

I`ve been thinking alot lately about my love-hate relationship with my hometown, the city I grew up in, the one I decided to come back to after fourteen years.  Sudbury Ontario is known for many things; nickel, mining, big trucks, blue collar, beer drinking, four wheeling, fishing, hockey, heart disease, red necks and the north.... I know...HOW can I live here? Steve and I thought it was the best move for us to come back here after his accident.  Our families were still here and we needed emotional support after such a tragedy.

It is a dream haven for some people, but as an artist, someone who would like to do more, grow and stretch and reap the opportunities that are available for artists in the bigger centers....it has felt more like hell sometimes.  For one thing, I still have not found a local art community here.  Not for lack of trying and reaching out...  TRUST me I have. Tried.  Maybe it`s because I was meant to hop on all those planes in the last year and a half and meet so many of you far and wide.  It got me out of my comfort zone and into a whole other world.  A world I never would have known about if I would have found what I was looking for at home.  I have met friends for life-my tribe during these art retreats. But truthfully, when I come back from these art camps, I feel quite melancholy and I feel myself retreating into my cocoon where I start to loathe the very ground I walk on.  I crave culture and galleries, cafes and connecting with people who are daring to live a creative life.  Here I feel like a snail; alone, isolated and othered.

However dear friends, I have had a revelation of sorts of EPIC proportions...

Photo taken by Scott Haddow

The NORTH, this place, the very ground I walk on is indeed the place I am meant to be.  I wouldn`t have been born here otherwise.  It is the city I was meant to grow up in, the one I needed to experience.  It is the only place on this whole planet where I feel connected to the land.  It understands me.  It is the only landscape I recognize as my own and the one that fills me with blissful peace.

Photo taken by Scott Haddow

There are stories that live and breathe here that only I can tell because I am part part of its fabric.  Stories that have been waiting for me to pay attention, to express and to share.  Either through my artwork or my writing...

Photo taken by Scott Haddow

Someone very special to me has told me that I have a responsibility to unearth and share these stories with others.  It has become so clear to me now that rather than lamenting in what Sudbury hasn`t got, I am now transfixed on all that it has, all that it was and all that I am within it.

Photo taken by Scott Haddow

I have seen some pretty amazing landscapes in my life already with my very own eyes.  Landscapes in China, Barbados, Italy, France, Spain, the West and East coasts of Canada and the US. All of them have been beautiful.  All of them have taken my breath away.  But none of them, none of them live and breathe within my skin and my heart.  The North is my pulse, the land is my muse and the people are my reason.  Because no matter where I go within Canada, the US, or anywhere else on this planet, I know that being a Northern Ontarian matters to me.  I wouldn`t be who I am without this place..the good, the bad and the ugly.

Photo taken by Scott Haddow

 It might not have the art and culture I so desire nor

the cafes I dream of writing in by day,

but it does have what none of them have not, my heart.

Photo taken by Scott Haddow

So my new journey includes excavating the stories that lie beneath my feet and within the ground I walk on.  The ground my son will recognize as his very own when he begins to travel this beautiful world of ours.  I know that he too will know that he is home when he sees the rock, the smoke stacks and the people of Northern Ontario, rough around the edges but a light that shines within connecting us all to the landscapes and the stories that make us who we are.

My latest body of work is part of this. It has been waiting for me to be ready, to take notice and to finally say HELL YES! Thank-you all so much for your support and your kind words in my last post.  It is so nice to know that I can share this journey with you all.  I CANNOT wait to show you my next painting...coming next week.

 I want to thank Scott Haddow  who is a local freelance photographer and writer in Sudbury Ontario.  The  BEAUTIFUL photos have been taken on his numerous canoe trips with his family.  Thank-you for expressing with your photos what I`ve been trying to say with my words.  You have totally captured the essence and the heart of the north.

PS.  I couldn't leave without telling you that Sudbury is also known for indie music and indie films, in the closet writers and writers who meet at the fromagerie, blueberries, camping and fireflies.  Camp fires in the backyard and both English and French bookstores.  Looonnng winters, short Falls, cold Springs and even shorter Summers.  An abundance of fresh water lakes and a landscape that inspired the Group of Seven's most famous paintings...
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There are stories lying within you right now that only YOU can tell.   Stories that are just waiting for YOU to excavate.  Maybe you`re supposed to hear this today.  Maybe I`m supposed to tell you that it`s time.  It`s time you share your story.  We all have a responsibility to share our stories... the ones that are ready and the ones that are buried beneath.  Just maybe, we can help the world become a better place one story at a time, one person at at time, even one city at a time.