I want to start off by saying thank-you from the depths of
my heart for your kindness and your loving words of support on the blog, facebook,
email, text, phone... I’ve had great difficulty sharing the upcoming surgery with
friends and family even, because the last time I was in a hospital and waiting
for Steve to come out of surgery... our whole lives had just been
dismantled-our worlds had just been
devastated. I admit that I suffer from
some serious PTSD surrounding these events.
Many of you have been wondering why this surgery had to take
place. Steve has had a growing cyst building up in his spinal cord that has
been causing him extreme pain and started to impair functioning in his arms. He
has also been suffering from headaches and increased leg spasms. In short, the
surgeon said if he would not get this surgery, he would become quadriplegic.
**********************************************************************************
Surgery
was now five days ago. The surgery itself was successful. The surgeon
said the cyst was even bigger than anticipated so it was imperative
that take place when it did. Steve says that the pain he felt in his
upper arms has subsided already. However, he's been dealing with
debilitating pain in his head-like a five day migraine that won't quit.
He has trouble speaking, eating and is extremely sensitive to light,
having to keep his eyes covered. The doctor said this will
self-regulate. The spinal fluid continually being drained into a
receptacle is causing movement of the spinal fluid, distorting his
equilibrium which is causing him pain, but this should and will improve.
I pray it is sooner than later because it has been excruciating for
him.
Going through this again, seven years later, reminds me just
how precious life is. It reminds me of
how much I love this man, how much we have been together and how much I long
for decades more by his side. It reminds
me to take nothing for granted, to kiss the ones
you love and share your heart-even when it feels broken and full of sadness,
even when you are so afraid you can barely utter the words. It reminds me just how strong I am, how strong
he is and how lucky we are to have each other to share this life.
More soon.
PS.
I have read every single message that has been sent by various devices.
Forgive me for not responding right now. I am completely exhausted and
need to make sure Mama stays healthy right now. Thank-you.
Danielle, soldier's wives are invisible. People forget that when someone's husband serves in the military, the wife serves too. When the husband comes home injured, the wife is injured too. I do believe that the experience you went through left you with some deep scars and it totally makes sense that the surgery feels like it's tearing the old wounds open again. Healing trauma is a lifetime process.
ReplyDeleteI have spinal issues which have resulted in a debilitating migraine condition. I've had a spinal tap, so I can imagine what your husband is suffering through. When I had the spinal tap, my neuro told me to drink a venti mocha frappe from Starbuck's. The caffeine helped ward off the brutal headache that happens when your spinal fluid levels are tampered with. Ask his doc if this is something he can do. There are caffeine pills people take for migraine-caffergot, so it makes sense that a giant caffeine laden drink would help, much the same way. It's actually my go-to remedy when my migraines get bad. It helps take the worst edges off.
I am going through a stressful situation with my husband's health (he was just diagnosed with kidney cancer & is losing his left kidney in a month's time) and your post rang so true to me. I feel much the same way right now. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself.Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thinking of you both.
Oh Danielle, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong my friend. God Bless! xo
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, Danielle, I came to your blog via your cover feature on the Sew Somerset website and your video. I linked to your blog from mine because I found your work so delightful, and so clearly from your heart. Now I am full of admiration for your courage on such a long haul. And that goes for everyone in your family. I am so glad for you that you have your family's love and companionship, your woods and your art. Good to know that you're taking care of you as well as yours.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're already familiar with this incantation, but just to remind you, here is the Closing Prayer from the Navajo Way Blessing Ceremony, to help you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
In beauty I walk
With beauty before me I walk
With beauty behind me I walk
With beauty above me I walk
With beauty around me I walk
It has become beauty again
Today I will walk out, today everything negative will leave me
I will be as I was before, I will have a cool breeze over my body.
I will have a light body, I will be happy forever, nothing will hinder me.
I walk with beauty before me. I walk with beauty behind me.
I walk with beauty below me. I walk with beauty above me.
I walk with beauty around me. My words will be beautiful.
In beauty all day long may I walk.
Through the returning seasons, may I walk.
On the trail marked with pollen may I walk.
With dew about my feet, may I walk.
With beauty before me may I walk.
With beauty behind me may I walk.
With beauty below me may I walk.
With beauty above me may I walk.
With beauty all around me may I walk.
In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, lively, may I walk.
In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, living again, may I walk.
My words will be beautiful…
Hey Danielle, thanks for the update. I have been thinking of your family so much. I can't imagine how hard this must be. I am glad that the surgery went well and am really hoping and praying that Steve is feeling better quickly.
ReplyDeletedan, sending lots of love your way. xo
ReplyDeleteMichelle, this prayer is beautiful, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteCoffee does help with migraine, as Lelainia said (L., i am sending you love and good vibes for your husband, sorry you both have to go through cancer.)
Danielle... I am so sorry Steve is in so much pain. I hope that it will get better soon. It will be okay. It will.
Sending love to all of you who need them right now, there is never too much love received <3
Thinking of you and your family and keeping you all in my prayers
ReplyDeletePrayers on the smoke for you and Steve. It was such a pleasure to meet him at the wedding. Even after only speaking together for a short time, I couldn't help but think what an amazing person he is. It makes me sad that he is in so much pain right now. Healing energy to both of you. xo
ReplyDeleteLove to you and Steve. Prayers and light - strength, courage.
ReplyDeleteDanielle, thank you for sharing your difficult journey. You are an inspiration to many. My prayers are with all of you as you persevere through this trying time. Much love.
ReplyDeleteGlad to read that:
ReplyDeletethe surgery was a success
your husband is recuperating
that you are taking care of yourself through out all this and allowing yourself to RECEIVE so many messages of support and well being
You are amazing Danielle and an inspiration to many =-)
dear danielle,
ReplyDeletei lurk here. my heart is with you...i have a steve too, my hubby of 19 years. i am grateful that you share your ups and downs. i am praying for quick healing and every good thing to come your way.
hugs,
jan
oh dear. just saw your Facebook post & reading this now... big hugs to you, girl! much love.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Danielle. I am praying for you and your family. I am so sorry you and your sweet heart are going through all this!! Big LOVES!!!!
ReplyDeleteLeslie
Oh Danielle, I am so glad your honey is back home and things are looking better...take care of yourself and don't worry about your blog or responding to notes right now, we'll all be here waiting for you, anxious to hear news.
ReplyDelete