Anatomy of a Story: Conclusion

It's been seven days since my return from the ARTS Banff Centre.  I've settled back into my roles and responsibilities. I've enjoyed spending time with my boys.  I cannot believe how much Owen has grown in only 10 days.  I cleaned my studio yesterday so I could ground myself in this space again (thanks for helping mom).   I'm starting to feel like myself again-but I've changed.

I already long for conversation about writing, about words, about creating worlds with words.  It hasn`t been easy transitioning back into the "real world", but that is always the challenge when you spend time with like-hearted people who would rather create than consume in this world.  

Banff Writing with Style- Spring 2012

(Poetry, Short Fiction, Novel-First Chapter, Creative Non-Fiction

)

I`d like to conclude this series of posts dedicated to my writing experience with the following things I learned while in Banff. (This is just a tiny list.) Many of the lessons I learned, from my mentor Merylin Simonds.  It was an honour to have spent this time with her.  She is a true Artist. A true professional. Her dedication to her craft humbles me and inspires me.

*Don`t use adverbs. Ever.
*Use little adjectives.
*Always write your first drafts freehand.
*Ask yourself: How does this serve the story?
*Show don`t tell. Show don`t tell. Show don`t tell.
*VOICE is everything. (It`s your brand, no matter what you write.)
*Deep mechanics defines your writing. Anybody can write a first draft.
*Danielle Daniel is a good author`s name.
*Prose is my new favorite word.
*A personal essay is a form of self-discovery.
*Get an Agent. 
*Creative Non-Fiction is the creative interpretation of reality. (Galiano)
*Key elements = unflinching honesty and vulnerability (Simonds)
*Rejection is inevitable.
*Writing is music. (Simonds)
*Don't be afraid to spend a whole day on one sentence. (Simonds)
*Step away. (Simonds)
*Nobody cares if you do it but you. (Simonds)
*Writing is lovely lonely work. (Simonds)
*When you feel the fear and do it anyway...AMAZING things can happen.

I know why I'm now different.
I'm a writer.
I can finally say it, own it and believe it.
I`m a writer.
A very lovely, lonely writer.

Anatomy of the Story: The Reading

 The English Major

by Janet Hill

(Purchase her work here! I LOVE her work!!!)

I put it off until the last possible day.  There were four nights of readings during my stay in Banff.  All week, I listened to prose with heartbreaking clarity and presence.  I sat there like a sponge, soaking in the beauty of words and their meaning as they were strung together with purpose.  Every single person shared so much of themselves-some of them even braving something just written that day- Hello courage!

 

I signed up for the last night of readings. I wanted sufficient time to work on my piece. I also admit I was a total chicken!

 

Every night, nine audacious souls recited (some actually memorized) their seven minutes of narrative. I cried, I cheered--I sat in awe of the depth of talent that surrounded me.  Each one sharing a distinct world they created from the page to the stage.

 

Reading it aloud gave it strength, power, and life. Dharini, my fellow classmate and now dear friend, gave me  a `101 acting class` in the art of delivery.  She listened.  She made suggestions. She taught me exercises for my mouth and my tongue-my instruments.

 

Friday night 7:30. 

I`m up first-by choice.

I dared not follow. 

Heart pounding-deep breath.

I didn`t drink a sip of wine.  I wanted a clear head, a steady voice.

I face the people-the amazing group of writers that inspired me all week. 

 

Deep breath.

Exhale.

Begin.

 

I read it. I shared it from the pit of my belly-where it all sits beneath my heart.  I gave voice to my narrative.  I went there- reliving these moments.  I wanted to bring them to the edge.  I remember thinking while I was reading, there was no other place I wanted to be in that exact moment. I felt an absolute certainty that this was it.

I am so grateful to have had this opportunity.  There is no better audience than 35 other writers who understand your need for the written word.  It was a moment I will never forget.  And as terrifying as it was, I want to do this again and again and again.

Next up:  The Conclusion

Love,

 

Anatomy of a Story: PLOT

It`s Day 3-post Banff. I`m wiped! Traveling takes so much out of me. Not too mention being in the head space that I was in for seven days.  That was the part that scared me the most before I left. I was so worried about being in that vulnerable place for so long. I wasn`t sure what to expect. I just knew it wouldn`t be easy.

I was right.

The story I  worked on, the one I submitted to get into the program, was a story in my collection, for the book.  It was a very honest story about loss. Sharing this with others was scary. Being critiqued for its meaning, voice, style and weaknesses etc., was even more terrifying! Sharing true stories is always difficult but I cannot tell you how empowered I was to learn this story mattered-not only to me.

Tuesday was the day my story was critiqued. It was also the day I had my one on one with the amazing Merilyn Simonds. By Thursday, I crashed-emotionally and physically. I guess it was to be expected. I was absorbing so much information. I was open, raw and present. Time and time again I tapped into the part that hurts, the one more sensitive then a sunburn, the stuff below the surface-and shared it.

Writing is a very difficult process. Writing true stories, I believe is even more difficult. Some people may wonder why I even bother putting myself through it. Sometimes I ask myself the same question. The answer that comes again and again is that not writing is even more difficult. There is no other choice for me.

 I will continue to write my true stories until.

More Soon. The Reading is next.
Love,

Anatomy of a Story: Character

It`s DAY 2. Owen is back in school after a bout with the flu and I`m here tackling my never ending to-do-list. I`m still having difficulty settling in. But, I wanted to pause and share a little more...

 After checking in and receiving my package, I started reading the bios of all 32 attendees. I almost started to hyperventilate as I read ALL of their achievements. I called Steve and told him about it. He carefully brought my blood pressure back down and I was able to attend the opening night without issue.

It turns out, everybody was human! They were generous and kind-no matter how successful they already were as writers. We were all there to improve and to commune in our shared passion for the written word. Thank God!

There were four groups in this writing program: Short Fiction headed by Sarah Selecky, Poetry, headed by Ray Hsu, Novel (First Chapter) headed by Joan Thomas and Merilyn Simonds our leader in the Creative Non-Fiction genre. Liz Phillips, a talented poet was our captain for the week.

Most of our time was spent in our specialized groups. Every morning we would have a lesson on writing with Merilyn and then it would be followed by two pieces of writing being work-shopped. Every member had the opportunity to have their work read, critiqued and dissected. It was a phenomenal experience! I had done this once before in University, during a creative writing class. But this was different.  It was more thorough, more honest, and extremely helpful.

Our group was diverse. Every single person brought something unique to the table and our stories are all the better for it.  This is where we grew.

There is one person in the group that totally made my heart sing. Dharini, how I love thee. Her story moved me greatly and we connected from the very beginning. She is a talented writer with a distinct voice. I am sure you will see her work in print soon and I will be the first to buy it. The good part is that she only lives four hours away in Toronto and we already have a SKYPE date planned this week!  When she`s not writing you can find her on stage or the big screen. She was also in the latest movie The Vow, where she played a secretary...I knew I recognized that beautiful face!

I was also adopted by the First Chapter Novel group who made me an honorary member during cocktail hour. These girls cracked me up and then some! I LAUGHED so much and often at inappropriate times thanks to them... Marianne, Nina, Nathalie, and Valerie, thanks for all the laughs! I love you all!

Our meals were provided every day. Our tables where adorned with the ART sign. There were also Mathematicians, Aboriginal Leaders and other organizations with their own signs on the tables.  It felt like a glamorous camp for grown-ups. It was heavenly. It was also extremely difficult at times. More about this another day.

For now, I just want to sign off by saying that I will always hold their stories in my heart. I thank the brave and vulnerable people in my group (Myrl, Gwen, Barbara, Rivanne, Ken, Steve, Rochelle, Dharini and of course Merilyn) for sharing so much of themselves with me and for helping me move forward in so many ways.  Next up: Plot.

Anatomy of a Story: Setting

My body is back. But my heart and mind still linger in a world where words are the pulse of everything. To say I've been changed is inadequate. I've been transformed. Part of me feels like even trying to articulate this experience could minimize it because I just don't think I can explain the way I feel right now. 

But, I will try.

Upon arriving, HUGE snowflakes were falling from the sky, the biggest I have ever seen. I finally arrived after a roller coaster of flights being rescheduled, a series of serendipitous moments and a short but heartfull visit with my kindred Catherine and her baby James and husband Kent.

I was still terrified as I neared the campus.

 Still full of anxiety. 

Still hearing my inner critic spitting:  How did YOU get in again?

This was the first thing I saw when I arrived.

 I had to pinch myself... Am I in heaven?

(This photo was taken a few days later)

After being checked in (under ARTIST), I was given a ride to my place of residence. The Lloyd House.  It was so nice to finally have a place to sit and catch my breath after such a long voyage.  I have to admit that I teared up as I walked into my room.  I knew I was being given a very important opportunity and in that moment I finally accepted it and said thank-you.

This was the view outside my window.

The Banff Arts Centre is sandwiched between mountains. It's 5000 meters above sea level. It feels magical and just a little closer to the source of it all.  The views seemed too good to be true. It took me a few days to orient myself to this landscape and this beauty and still believe I was not dreaming. I was literally breathless for a few days as my body acclimated to the air.

 I'm still jet lagged and feeling completely wiped out. 

 I will share more soon. 

Thank-you for your support and your kindness. 

Next up: Character

Despite the Fear

I haven't even fully unpacked from Artfest and I'm now hours away from jumping on another plane towards Banff Centre... Too be honest, I don't think I've even processed this yet... I haven't been sleeping and eating much except for chocolate, great! 

I've been procrastinating BIG TIME.  Unable to focus on what I need to do to get on that plane.  I feel tired. I am tired.  I'm all over the place.

I've been scattered... here and there... I'm looking at the calendar and the truth is, I'm scared. More like terrified. I leave tomorrow where I will be writing for 7 days and  I'm filled with anxiety and the unknown. This is not an ART retreat where I get to play and drink red wine lots of red wine and go with the flow.  This is a writing boot camp. A residency with a full schedule that I signed up for... whatwasIthinking...

For seven days I will be immersed in the world of writing and NOTHING else. For seven days I will be pushed and critiqued and pushed and pushed some more.  I will be sitting with one story for all of this time. I will be in a world that I usually only remain in for a few hours at a time... Ivolunteeredforthis...

I think I'm so scattered because I know my world is about to change.

I know I will not be the same after this. 

I know there is no going back. 

I know this is the right time. 

I know this is what I want despite the fear.  

I'm ready to make my biggest bad-ass dream come true!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

 It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.

 We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'

 Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.  

Your playing small doesn't serve the world. 

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking 

so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 

It's not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. 

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "

~ Marianne Williamson

Here I go. Deep breath. Wish me luck.

For all those who missed the post that explains where I'm going...
 Here it is. 

 

Inside "The Cover Girl"

 

It's OUT!!!!

OMG! When I saw it in person with my own eyes...

HELLO

 DREAM COME TRUE 

to see my work on a cover...

I'm SO PROUD to be part of this publication

that is filled with so much HEART!

Page after page of quality stories that make you proud of

where you come from and the people that  make it what it is...

  Here's a glimpse into my studio.

And the painting that came to me in a dream...

This bear has not left my side since.

We're in it together...

  I do hope you'll pick one up as it's FILLED 

with 71 pages of pure goodness!

Find out where to get your copy here.

  (Maybe now my neighbors will actually know what I do... LOL!)

Thank-you Melissa Anwatin and team!

 Happy Spring- Happy Easter- Happy!

xoxo

The Santos (Artfest Part II)

For some reason I need to say this today... I'm trusting it.

If you are in a difficult place right now, the kind that hurts like hell. If you need to make some very hard decisions, the kind that will change everything. If you doubt that you will ever feel happiness or smile and really mean it... it WILL get better. I PROMISE. Just four years ago I was here-there. And today, while driving driving home from Owen's school with the sun on my face and the music on the radio, I felt bliss. TOTAL content and happiness from the inside out. Genuine bliss.

 When you feel broken, it truly is an opportunity towards bliss.
 (I just felt like I needed to say this today... xoxo)

The Santos: 

 a painted or carved wooden image of a saint common 

especially in Mexico and the southwestern United States 

Tall, spiritual, strong, did I mention tall? 

There was another reason I brought the BIG suitcase this time... 

I had no idea it was going to be this big... (check the fine print next time would ya?) 

He measures almost three feet tall from base to feather.

This guy was a challenge-right from the get-go. 

First of all, he was supposed to be a she.

Making this Santos is alot like life... 

You're excited for a new chapter, filled with enthusiasm. 

But soon after you get started-the thrill dissipates and turns into angst-

and alot of it! (You might even drop an F bomb or two).

 

You wonder if you're going to get through it. 

If you'll have enough time to finish.

You inch your way towards each step and finally you have a breakthrough! 

Hallelujah!

 

 I had to channel my inner Project Runway. 

There were only two sewing machines for the whole class 

which left me knotting my fabric instead of sewing.

 (plus I'm a lazy sewer)

His gown is made up of all kinds of remnants I brought

 as well as some that were given to me by Tory

 the teacher extraordinaire with the patience of a real life Santos 

and my table mate and friend Janna Sammon.

 In the end, it's nothing like I imagined it.

 Alot like life-different but good and well worth all the trouble,

 deep sighs and perseverance. 

 Because in the end, making a Santos can have you channelling

 the very thing you didn't even know you needed, 

wanted or thought possible. 

Sometimes surrendering is all you have to do.

 ARTFEST: You ROCKED my world!

New friends and dear friends...

my ART family just keeps getting bigger 

and I'm grateful for all of it!

Happy long weekend to those who celebrate Easter.

I'm still easing my way back into routine...

I'm FINALLY back in my studio today.

MUCH LOVE 

to all of you,

xoxo

    

ARTFEST (Part I)

    

   There's a stirring that happens when you take part in these art retreats.  

When your hands are filled with clay and paint 

and not in water with a sink full of dishes.

There's a stirring that takes place when conversation

 is about art and the creative process

 and not the weather or your long to-do-list.

There's a stirring that awakens you

 when you're surrounded by hundreds of artists 

who speak your language, inside and out-

 their hands and fingernails caked and covered with colour

as you eat your lunch together...

You start to unravel like a ball of yarn-spinning open and out, 

your words spilling like beads onto a table,

  hopping with truth and depth.  

Others are there to catch them with their open hands. 

Present.

The connection you have been craving is ample 

and the serendipity is loud and absolute-

almost "too weird" to even say aloud and share 

with someone who wasn't there to witness it.

I had forgotten how these art retreats mess with my mojo-

my status quo-my everything is fine...

Being in this state for several days in a row where you only have yourself

 to think about-not making lunches or preparing dinner, 

not laundry or grocery shopping-

only your own needs.

It can really mess with a girl. 

 It can crack open your insides, 

the same ones you had slip-stitched closed the last time you felt so supported,

 understood and accepted-like you belong in a society-

in a community where people feel as much as you do-

where being real is encouraged, warts and all.

**********

This little one was  made on DAY ONE with Michelle Allen.

She was once a little ball of dull clay and now she has so much life and personality.

I can't tell you how happy I am to bring my paintings to life

 in this 3 dimensional artform.

(Thank-you SO MUCH Michelle (my new friend)!!! xoxo)

 

I promise you'll be seeing more of these in the near future...

I CANNOT wait to make more!

This post is dedicated to all of you all...

You know who you are-

my new friends, my Madrona sisters, 

my facebook peeps that I finally met and already love-

my blog readers who have become kindreds (especially you L.C.)

my teachers who taught me so much more than "just art", 

my besties-I'm SO crazy about you-

I miss you all so much already-

Truly.

xox

More soon...so much more...